Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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