i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
