never play flip cup with pint glasses
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
