u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
