I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
