i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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