I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
