Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
