have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
