Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
