Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
