Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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