Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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