Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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