i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
