Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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