did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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