We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
