I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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