my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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