you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
