Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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