So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
