GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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