i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
