God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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