Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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