And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
