He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
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My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
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Every concussion has its silver lining
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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