also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
