There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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