Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
