And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
sex in a hospital.. check
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize