People with herpes should wear stickers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Two words: nipple clamps
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