i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I would fuck him just for his dog
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
