Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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