Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
