I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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