I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
