I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
