Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
