also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
