im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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