I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
