What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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