The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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