i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
