great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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