I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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