when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
