Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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