girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
