Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
