My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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