you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
