I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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