yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
