Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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