Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
