like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
