Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
