ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize