too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
