Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
