i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
