That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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