yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
