Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
