I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
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i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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