Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
