your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
