She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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