Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
