is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
