Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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