Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
be right there i have to get my cape
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
