After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
