When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
